Nigerian scam writing exercise

I bought a book today called 642 Things to Write About. Today's exercise is this:
"You're a Nigerian e-mail scammer. Write an e-mail that will convince the recipient to send you $200." My entry follows:

Hi, this is very embarrassing for me. I can’t believe I’m to the point that I’m emailing complete strangers to ask for help, but there you have it. My name is Erin Johnstone. I’ve been living in the United States for the last three years as an exchange student, but I need to get home to France right away. Our government has contacted me today and informed me that my mother is dying in the hospital after being injured in an automobile accident. She is not expected to live more than 48 hours, so I need to get home. Please help me! I’m so scared for her, and I want the chance to say goodbye, if it comes to that. My problem is that I’ve borrowed from my roommates and my classmates, but I am still $200 short for the ticket to get home to see her. Can you please help me?

I’m so embarrassed to even be asking, but I’m desperate to see her one last time. If you can help, please email me and I will give you my information . I can also receive direct donations at the Paypal account with this email address as the account identifier.

God bless you for your compassion. 

Daisey
So here I am, just starting out my Pampered Chef business (I'm so not going to fail again) and I think, "what's been the problem in the past?" "Well," I say to myself, sounding quite philosophical, "I never seem to have enough contacts. I don't know enough people personally who will have shows and buy stuff just cause they like me so well."
"AH - HAH!" I shout in my head - the noise gave me a headache- "So in order to succeed, I need to find more people! That should be easy! All I have to do is get in on one of the three thousand fairs that Iowa has every year. Should be a cinch."
Now I'm frowning. There's a problem with that, though. "The fairs don't start for another three months, though. I'll be out of business by then if I don't get some shows now."
"WAIT! I'll just organize a show of my own! I'll get together several different kinds of businesses, and some people who aren't interested in my stuff will surely be interested in others and vice versa! What a great idea!"
"So when should we have it?"
"How about April 29? It's the last Saturday in April. All the Spring and Summer merchandise will be available and we can call it a 'Get ready for Summer sales event'."
"Oooh! good idea!."
So the two people in my head did that. We also partnered with someone from the local Chamber, so now there are three of us (the two in my head and Jackie). Between the three of us, we have filled twenty spots for the event. And last night...
I DISCOVERED THAT I SCHEDULED THE WHOLE THING FOR
THE SATURDAY BEFORE FINALS!!!!
Boy, do we feel like a couple of geniuses or what!?!

I like school. I guess that makes me about the 330th nerdiest person in the state of Iowa (but man, you should see those other nerds!). But I do. I really like school. I like the rhythm of going to the same place every day knowing that something will happen that is intended to help you grow. Not necessarily that a person will learn something, but that the focus is growth. Be better people. Learn Algebraic expressions better or find out that other people don't get the same things out of the stories that we all read at the same time.
When I announced that I was going back to school, I said that I want to teach High School. I still want to teach in a High School or maybe even in a Community College, but I'm getting a better idea of the real options that are open to me. When I said "English", I thought about diagramming and learning parts of speech and how to use them well. But I think this idea of teaching Literature appeals to me even more. I have hated about half the stories that we have read in this class. We just finished reading a couple of stories by black authors, which I probably would never have read otherwise. Not because I have anything against black authors - I usually have no idea about the people who write what I read - but because the stories are so outside what I normally think about, so reading them might change how I look for things to read.
Sure, I'll still read the junk that Grisham and the others turn out, but I might wind up changing course after this class. I'll still be in the same field, but ... I don't know. I have another two years to decide for certain, I guess.



Daisey

Just an update.

Hi to all my wonderful audience. You've been great. Thank you and goodnight. Just kidding.

I've decided to go back to school in January. I'm going to be a High School teacher when I grow up. I figure there's an epidemic of stupid people out there, and I'm going to do my part to see that they stay that way. What good is a teacher without sufficient numbers of uneducated sods?

Regina thinks I ought to teach Social Studies.

Now, if anyone knows how to be social, it's the High Schooler. In High School, the average person learns the value of well-placed gossip, how to properly stab a person in the back (then apologize in a sincere manner so the stab-ee trusts said stabber again) and generally how to be a real lousy person to get ahead.

I think I ought to teach English.

I've always been intrigued by dead languages. I'm guessing that the average High Schooler has heard about English - most even think that they speak it, but the truth is that the average High schooler speaks in a code that would outdo the Code Talkers of WW II fame. Next WW, lets just send a kid to confound our enemies. If they can figure out what's happening "all up in the hizzous", then they deserve our country. Or at least a job as translator for the rest of us.

I know- short and irritable, but it's early.

What are we waiting for?


I remember when I got my permit. Dad made me wait something like thirty-eight days before he even let me start the engine on the car. Unlike my brothers and sister, I never started the car before I got my permit. I figured that if I wasn't allowed to drive it, I shouldn't be starting it. That's the law-abiding, nearly Catholic conscience in me talking. Most people look at me like I'm crazy when I reveal this fact to them.
Dad also used this time to lecture me on how to learn to drive. He told me many stories about learning to drive a Semi. First, you must learn to go straight forward. Then around corners forward. After that, you move into backing straight, then backing around corners. This was all very well. Ironically, the first thing Dad ever had me do in a car was back around a corner. I didn't even start the van that day.
Then came that wonderful stage of being excited about driving every time I got behind the wheel. "Oh, I can drive the whole block to the corner store?! Wow, thanks, Dad!" We all remember that, right? The buzz from having your own set of keys. The excitement of your first car. The sheer thrill of getting from place to place without getting a wedgie on a bike. Or breaking into a sweat from walking fast on a hot day.
Later, nobody really remembers it happening, driving became a chore. A means to an end. "Wow!" changed into, "Can't I do it later? I really don't feel like driving right now." (Insert other whining here) And escpecially for those of us who commute to work.
Now, instead of giddy anticipation, we get into our cars and simply wait to arrive. I think this is why there are so many accidents. People aren't in their cars - they are thinking about the garbage that happens every day at work. Or the stress at home, depending on the direction they're driving. They're in their checkbooks, wondering when things are going to improve. They are on their phones, trying desperately to maintain contact with their relatives, friends, business associates. Or changing the radio or CD from that annoying song or commercial that they've heard thirty times already today.
I have seen business women put on mascara and eyeshadow. I've seen men read the newspaper at 70 miles per. I've seen kids shuffling homework pages on the seat beside them. And all of them seem to just wish it would stop. I know I do.
But my favorite part of all this is the look you get from other people who are doing the same thing when something doesn't work right. Say you cut someone off in traffic. WAKE UP CALL! They give you the finger and you think, "What was he doing there, anyway?" If you're on the phone talking, waiting for your destination to arrive, he thinks, "Idiot. Everyone knows you're not supposed to talk and drive at the same time." And if you're both on the phone, both of you probably say to the person on the other end, "That jerk isn't paying attention - he's just on the phone."
The other day I was on the phone as I was leaving work. I looked carefully both ways, and pulled out. This lady had her kid with her and they were


stopped in the middle of the crosswalk. She shot me a dirty look. And I thought, "Why in the world were they just standing in the middle of the street?" It wasn't a crosswalk. It was a street. And she was mad at me because I was in a car and on a cell phone. Wow, I'm evil. Just think what would have happened if I had already started waiting.

So what are we waiting for? I think we're waiting for life to be interesting. And guess what? It's not.

Now, ironically, I got a job at Wal-Mart because I felt that I wasn't really appreciated working at Fazoli's. I really liked working third shift because to me it was the perfect combination of customer service and work.
But then I moved to days. Talk about useless. My supervisor even tells me constantly that I'm useless. Couldn't be any clearer on that. Just the idea of cleaning up after hundreds of complete strangers daily makes me want to strangle about three hundred of them. That would reduce my workload considerably, prison term notwithstanding.
Actually, Wally World is a lot less snobby than the folks I worked for at Target. Much like McDonald's was a lot less snobby than Burgerville. I enjoyed both, but not hearing "That's such a ______ thing to do" is really nice.
But then again, Wal-Mart wants to be more like Target. I ask you, why does #1 want to immitate #2? Makes no sense to me. Target should be more like Wal-Mart so they can steal the Marketshare, right? Not once when I worked for Target did anyone say, "Hey, we should do this - it works for Wal-Mart, right?" But Wal-Mart is in the process of remodeling hundreds of stores so we look more like Target. It doesn't make sense to me. I mean, does Coke try to be more like Pepsi? NO! They tried that once and utterly failed. And the reason people shop at Target instead of Wal-Mart is the same as the reason that people drink Coke or Pepsi- They like it better.
So maybe we should all just keep trying to be better versions of ourselves instead of being somebody else entirely. That way, everybody can keep having the different things they really want.